


Christmas

by jamesgatz1925



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Developing Relationship, Fluff, Love, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Song fic, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-15
Updated: 2017-12-14
Packaged: 2019-02-14 22:34:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13017552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jamesgatz1925/pseuds/jamesgatz1925
Summary: Chapters from my Barisi Advent 2017 that go together for its own fic.





	1. Sending You a Little Christmas

Sonny hates seeing people alone on holidays. Sure, there are some people that deserve all the misfortune coming their way, but even on holidays, Sonny finds it in his heart to forgive and forget. He learned this when he was young, when he had to give a Valentine to the class bully because it was fair that every kid got one. The bully had beamed in surprise when Sonny presented the little card, and ever since then, Sonny has vowed to never let anyone alone on holidays.

Especially the people he loves.

Even though he’d never admit it out loud. Even in his own head sometimes, he won’t admit it.

Love.

How could you love someone who doesn’t give you the time of day? How could you love someone you’ve spent very minimal time with outside of work? How could you love someone you hardly know other than his expensive taste in fashion and his mood towards defense attorneys?

Nonetheless, Sonny is in love and has been for a long time.

It’s been about a year since he’s known Rafael, his first Christmas knowing him this closely, because last they were barely on a first name basis. Last year, Sonny had that dreadful mustache and he’s pretty sure Rafael spent all their time together trying not to look at him.

Starting in November, Sonny begins to get festive. He got a little Santa statue for his desk, he bought miniature stockings for the squad that he planned to fill with candy and hand out later in December when everyone needed a pick me up, and he wore holiday socks under his slacks. Sonny was in the spirit.

He is quick to learn that Barba hates Christmas.

Of course, the man is grumpy on any regular ol’ day. The sun could be shining, birds singing, and you could tell him he’s just won a million dollars and he’d still find something to bitch about.

Sonny loves him anyway.

Barba had strolled into the precinct, took one look at Sonny’s elf socks peaking out underneath his pants, and scoffed.

“I don’t even have to make fun of your fashion choice today, they make fun of themselves.”

Sonny lifted his pant legs. “What, you don’t like ‘em?”

“Uh, that’d be a no.”

“Come on, Counselor, not in the holiday spirit?”

“Absolutely not,” was all Barba had said before leaving Sonny to ponder.

Sonny ponders for long. He decides, of course, that Barba deserves a gesture that isn’t so grand it’s overwhelming, but a gesture just kind enough to make Barba feel appreciated.

Sonny decides to get Barba a gift, even if Barba won’t really care about it. But not just any gift, Sonny decides; he decides to get Sonny a gift for Barba showing that not only is he appreciated, but he’s also paid attention to. And Sonny does pay attention.

Sonny compiles a gift box of a scotch he was recommended, some fancy chocolates, thick, fuzzy gloves, a book that Sonny recommends to everyone he knows, and a candle that smells sweet like snickerdoodles, because he’s heard that Barba likes snickerdoodles.

Sonny finds a cute box to put everything in, packs it nicely, tops it with a giant red bow, and sets off to Barba’s office first thing in the morning.

He arrives before Carmen is even there, so he knocks on Barba’s office door unannounced.

“Come in,” Barba calls, sounding confused.

Sonny peeks his head in. “Mornin’, counselor.”

“Carisi? Come in, please.” Barba sounds tired but far sweeter than usual. Sonny’s heart beats funny.

Sonny notices Barba eye the box.

“Hey, so, I, uh...I got ya somethin’.”

“What for?” Barba asks.

“For Christmas, hello?” Sonny smiles.

Barba just stares. “For me?”

“I said that, didn’t I? Listen, I know you’re not a Christmas guy, but I’m a giver. This was fun to put together.”

He sets it delicately on Barba’s desk. Barba still eyes it like it’s a ticking time bomb.

After a beat, Sonny decides it’s time to go. “I’ll just, uh—“ He motions at the door.

“You don’t want me to open it with you here?”

“I mean—“

Barba reaches for the lid. Sonny really does want to see Barba’s reaction to the gifts.

Barba slowly pulls the lid off and peers inside. His breath barely catches in surprise as he takes in not just one, but many gifts.

“Carisi, I—“

Sonny is glad he caught Barba at such a time like this, before the morning rush, before his day, before fights and arguments. Barba is soft and gentle as he takes everything out of the box, one by one with patient fingers, with a look of shock in his eyes that Sonny never wants to forget.

“I heard that scotch is good, I hope you like it. And your hands are always freezing, so there’s some gloves. And that book is, like, my all-time favorite. And who doesn’t love chocolate?”

Barba picks up the candle.

Sonny explains, “Carmen says you have a secret love affair with snickerdoodles.”

Barba cracks a smile. “Carisi, I have no idea what to say. Why?”

“Why? It’s Christmas—“

“I know, you reminded me already. But...why? Why’d you do this for me?”

“‘Cause...” Sonny says with a shrug. “I just wanted to tell you, y’know, you’re...I...”

Barba stares at him, eyes expectant and waiting.

“You’re appreciated,” Sonny says.

“By you.”

“By me.”

Barba looks down at the scotch and smiles. “Hey, Carisi?” he asks. “Would you like to find out if this scotch is any good? Maybe...tonight? Consider it a Christmas drink?”

Sonny’s stomach flips. “Uh, for sure,” he says, trying not to sound too eager. “Here?”

“My place. I’ll text you.”

Sonny’s smiles grows. “See you later then, counselor.”

Sonny slowly steps towards the door.

“Sonny?” Barba calls before he reaches the door.

Sonny melts. “Yeah?”

“Thank you,” Barba genuinely says, still smiling sweetly and Sonny never, ever wants to forget it.

“You’re welcome, counselor,” he says, then he leaves the office on cloud nine.

 

 


	2. Cold December Night

The pretty gift box sits on Rafael’s desk all day as a reminder of what happened and what’s to come.

Rafael replays it in his head a million and a half times to make sure he didn’t miss anything.

Sonny brought him a present.

He invited Sonny to his home to help drink part of the present.

Sonny said yes.

He is seeing Sonny later. Outside of work. At his home.

Hastily, before he completely forgets, Rafael digs his phone out of his pocket and sends Sonny is address. Sonny doesn’t reply, and that’s fine, Rafael isn’t worried.

Rafael goes through court in an excited haze, even though his hearing is so hectic. A wishy-washy witness is nothing he’s never dealt with, so that he can handle, but the case itself is just difficult and tiring. At the end of the day, he is tired, and only the thoughts of Sonny keeps him energized.

Rafael makes it back to his office on time for Carmen to be leaving before sundown.

“Good evening, Mr. Barba,” she says as he does every night.

“Good evening, Carmen,” he says, not looking up but instead gathering his things.

“Don’t forget to get Detective Carisi a gift.”

Rafael finally looks up. She is grinning. Rafael eyes her suspiciously, because he can’t remember telling her where the gift came from. Or mentioning that he needs to get one in return.

“How did you—“

“Goodnight, Raf,” she says, smiling one last time and leaving the room.

The thought of getting Sonny a gift didn’t even occur to Rafael until now. He was just so caught up by his gift that he didn’t realize. What could he get on such short notice? What would be thoughtful enough to tell Sonny he cares about him, too? What kind of gift tells a man he wants to hold him and kiss him and that all the things he never thought he wanted, he suddenly wants after knowing the man for a year and—

In a panic, Rafael leaves his office with the gift in hand.

Rafael decides he needs to make Sonny dinner. After all, the way to a man’s heart is through his belly, and if he invited Sonny for drinks, he might as well have some food, too.

The problem is that Rafael can only make one dish, so that’s what he has to make. There’s no option or variety. He stops at the grocery and purchases the ingredients he’s had engraved in his head since he was a kid. If he also picks up a bottle of wine in hopes of the romantic ambiance it sets, well who’s to tell?

Rafael can’t pick a gift, not something personal that he can pick up before Sonny arrives, so he decides dinner will have to be it. And maybe, just maybe, he’ll tell Sonny how he feels. That could be his gift.

What better gift to give Sonny than himself? His heart? His soul? Hell, his body if Sonny is up to it. Honestly, he hopes Sonny is up to it, but Rafael focuses on the whole emotional part of the evening before he even allows himself to think about the physical.

Riding home with the snow slowly starting up again, his ingredients in hand, the gift on his lap, Rafael thinks about the possibility of what he has compared to what he’s never had. He’s never really done anything special for Christmas, and he gave up the hope of receiving what his heart desired long ago. He’s never needed anything, anybody, and he’s never wanted it either.

But now? Hearing he’s appreciated by the only man who’s had his heart since the moment they met? He wants nothing more than to have Sonny by a fire, wrapped in a blanket, snuggled up drinking hot cocoa. He imagines for the first time sharing Christmas with someone. He imagines for the first time waking up next to someone he loves on Christmas morning.

Rafael looks down at the gift on his lap. And sure, this gift is great, wonderful, it’s gotten the ball rolling, this little box has, but what he truly wants can’t be bought, can’t be put under a tree.

He wants to love Sonny. He wants Sonny to fall in love with him.

The thought warms his entire body. When he gets out of the car and his breath is seen in the air, he still feels hot with hope and love.

On this freezing evening in December, making the first meal he’ll share with Sonny, Rafael finally doesn’t feel so alone.


	3. All I Want For Christmas Is You

Sonny’s stomach somersaults all the way to Rafael’s apartment. It actually started when he saw Rafael’s text pop up late in the afternoon, telling Sonny his address and informing him that if he brings a dessert, Rafael will cook.

Sonny can’t believe his fortune. His kind gesture has been turned into a date.

Well, maybe it’s a date. He didn’t actually ask, because how do you ask? What do you ask? How does that not make things weird? What if it’s not a date and Sonny just looks like a fool? What if it really is just two friends hanging out, eating dinner and dessert and drinking scotch?

Sonny’s anxiety is through the roof, but eventually he’s at Rafael’s door, buzzing for permission to go up.

It’s freezing outside, but Rafael’s apartment is warm. The heating is on but the curtains are open to the tall windows in the living room. The apartment is immediately beautiful, nice and clean, and Sonny really hopes he can spend more time exploring the place.

“Glad you could make it,” Rafael says, inviting Sonny in.

After another five seconds in the apartment, Sonny notices one other immediate thing: Rafael doesn’t have any Christmas decorations. He doesn’t even have a Christmas tree. There is nothing in the entire living room indicating the holiday season except the snow gently falling outside of the tall windows.

Sonny wonders if Rafael doesn’t celebrate Christmas at all, if it’s a religious or cultural thing. He hopes he didn’t offend Rafael with the gift. Perhaps as the evening wares on, Sonny will find the courage to ask and apologize.

Rafael hangs Sonny’s coat on a rack next to his own, then invites him into the kitchen area. Still, there is nothing festive to be seen.

Sonny’s heart breaks for Rafael, wondering if he really is just so lonely that he writes off Christmas every year. But he decides not to get into yet, instead he focuses on what it is happening. Rafael Barba is cooking dinner for him.

“Smells delicious,” Sonny comments. “What is it?”

“Truthfully?” Rafael asks with a lovely grin tugging at his lips. “It’s the only thing I can make. Old Cuban dish my Abuela taught me. I hope you like it.”

“Oh, I’m sure I will. But if it’s the only thing you can make, why’d you wanna cook?”

Rafael shrugs, stirring inside the pot. “It’s comforting,” he says absentmindedly.

Sonny nods in acceptance and agreement; if he was alone for Christmas, he’d want a home cooked meal, too.

They chat while Rafael finishes the meal. When it nears time to sit, he pulls a bottle of wine from a fridge under the island.

“I thought we were having scotch,” Sonny comments.

“Maybe later.”

A shiver runs up Sonny’s spine. He’s still in disbelief that this is happening. He’s in Rafael’s apartment. Rafael is cooking him dinner. They’re sharing a bottle of wine. Truly, the only thing that’s missing is Christmas around them.

They eat and talk. Sonny asks about court; Rafael retells the events of his morning, saying the witness suddenly had a change of heart five minutes before the hearing, that he had to talk the guy into testifying, that it was an extremely long day, and that he’s glad to be home.

“Be here,” is what Rafael actually said, and the tiny voice in Sonny’s brain adds the, ‘with you’.

After dinner, they move to the couch where there’s an amazing view of the fresh snow blanketing the outside. Sonny can’t stop staring out, even when Rafael sits next to him in a close enough distance to be brilliantly comfortable.

“So, why’d you invite me over here?” Sonny finally asks.

“Payback,” Rafael says. “I was so surprised by the gift that I wanted to do something nice for you.”

This causes Sonny to pause. So this isn’t a date? This is just payback?

“Uhm...” Sonny sighs. “I didn’t, like, want anything in return, I—“

Rafael closes his eyes and sighs deeply, like he realizes what he’s said.

“No,” he corrects, “That’s not what I meant. I wanted to do this for a long time. I just...I didn’t know you cared. I didn’t think you’d say yes. But this morning, with the gift, saying you appreciate me, I thought the least of what I could do is have a friendly meeting with you outside of work. The least I could do is show you by cooking for you.”

Sonny tries to figure out what Rafael is saying. He wanted to do this before? Payback? Show him what?

“Show me what?” is what Sonny goes with.

“That I appreciate you, too,” Rafael says quietly. “If you haven’t noticed, I don’t do Christmas. I’m usually alone. Your gift is the first thoughtful gift I’ve received in a long time. Usually Liv just gets me a Christmas card and Carmen gets me a tie. But you...”

Sonny nods. “Yeah. I wanted to show you I care.”

“Sonny, none of that stuff even matters. What I wanted for Christmas was you.”

Sonny’s heart beats like crazy. He’s suddenly hot all over, he feels a blush creeping up his cheeks.

“Me?” he asks nervously, hoping he’d heard right.

“You.”

Sonny might melt with how soft and sweet Rafael is being, how tentative. He is so different than the way he acts in court, in the office, and Sonny is sure he rarely puts his heart out on the line like this. It makes him want to grab Rafael, hold him tight and never let go.

So, he does. He leans over and wraps his arms around Rafael’s neck. It’s awkward, because they’re both sitting, but Sonny doesn’t care. Rafael buried his face in Sonny’s neck and Sonny is fueled by Rafael’s breath against his skin.

When they part, and all the serious talk is over, and everything is right and at peace, Sonny slouches on the couch to rest his head on Rafael’s shoulder. He knows they’re both so tired, and all they need is quiet company.

Soon, Rafael laces his fingers with Sonny’s, and Sonny has never loved holding hands this much before.

After long minutes of content silence, Sonny breaks it.

“If I knew you were this desperate for Christmas, I’d’ve gotten you a tree.”

Rafael chuckles, his lips against Sonny’s hair. “I don’t need a tree or any other decorations to know I got what I wanted for Christmas.”

Sonny lifts his head to look at him. He can’t stop smiling.

Sonny also can’t stop from leaning in to kiss Rafael gently on the lips. Sonny decides then that he doesn’t need anything else for Christmas ever again.

But on the off chance...

“You’re really not gonna get me anything?” Sonny asks jokingly.

Rafael rolls his eyes. “Oh, shut up,” he says, kissing him again.

Yeah, nothing is good to Sonny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy!


	4. Underneath the Tree

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lied. One more chapter. NOW it’s over. 
> 
> This song is by Kelly Clarkson!
> 
> Hope you enjoy! Please review!

* * *

Rafael is in constant disbelief of where he is, both mentally and physically.

Mentally, it was unbelievable that he’d been in a relationship for a year and happy. It was surprising almost daily when he woke next to the man of his dreams that he was, in fact, waking with the man of his dreams. That he even had a man of his dreams. He never thought he’d want to be with a man forever, but here he is, day in and day out, thanking his lucky stars.

Physically, because, well, this is the first time he’s ever purchased a Christmas tree. He is standing in line in a lot a little ways out of the city buying a real tree. Sonny decided they needed a real tree because it was Rafael’s true first tree. And who was he to argue?

But everything feels right, where it should be. Everything is practically perfect. Sonny is here, right next to him, smiling brightly and shining everywhere. He’s wearing an adorable red knit beanie and a red scarf, and he looks so beautiful against the green pines and snow. He hums along to the gentle Christmas music playing on speakers sporadically placed around the area, and he makes Rafael sway with him as they wait in line.

Rafael can’t believe he ever spent time alone before. He can’t believe there was a time that he wanted to be alone, that he thought being alone was the best for him. He can’t believe that he pushed people away for so long.

However, he’s glad he did, because his heart was open and ready for Sonny. He couldn’t imagine sharing his life with anyone different.

And he can’t imagine being alone again.

Sonny grabs his hand between them.

“You okay?” he asks, smiling.

Rafael nods. “Yeah, why?”

“You look distant. I’m not overwhelming you with Christmas, am I?”

Rafael chuckles as they step forward in line. “You’ve been overwhelming me for an entire year, amorcito. The tree is nothing.”

“Oh, it’ll be great, Rafi,” Sonny says, rubbing his thumb comfortably over Rafael’s. “I got all the lights ready waiting at home—“

Home, Rafael thinks. Their home. Where they live together. Where Sonny’s dirty clothes are mixed with Rafael’s, where Sonny’s toothbrush is standing next to Rafael’s, where Sonny’s favorite mug is in the sink, where Sonny’s body outline is permanently engraved in the bed.

“—I got a few ornaments, I had a few from my ma’s house that she wanted me to have. We’ll start our own tradition of getting ornaments, ‘kay?”

Rafael smiles. “‘Kay,” he agrees.

He’s too in love with this man.

Finally, their turn in line arrives, and Rafael happily pays for the tree. The workers help Sonny secure it to the car, then they climb in to drive home. Sonny behind the wheel, of course.

It’s amazing that they have a ‘normal’. Normally, Sonny drives. Normally, Rafael navigates and argues about where to go. Normally, Sonny argues just to rile Rafael up and ends the fight with a cute little grin. Normally, Sonny takes a detour to purposefully drive past the best lights in the city. Normally, Sonny grabs Rafael’s hand as they go so they hold hands across the console.

They get home, set it up, and Sonny quickly strings the lights on the tree while Rafael makes a pot of much needed coffee. Its Sunday, their day off, but they went to get the tree way too early in the morning. Rafael is wiped out.

By the time it’s done and he’s got a few snacks prepared, Sonny’s finished.

“Check it out!” Sonny cries.

Rafael sets the mugs and snacks down. How great it looks brings joy to his heart. Again, he’s in disbelief that his living room has never looked like this before.

The season used to be so dreary. All Rafael ever saw was dirty snow and overly bright lights, like the evenings of Times Square that he hates. Like the glum traffic when leaving a show at night.

It used to be cold and gray and dark and unhappy. He used to hate the winter, hate Christmas, hate the season, but he learned quickly last year that all he was missing was Sonny. All he needed was Sonny.

“Ah, hang on!” Sonny announces, then hops out of the room to their bedroom.

Rafael waits patiently for Sonny to return, and soon he does. He comes back into the room holding a gift box.

“What’s that?” Rafael asks.

“The first gift!” Sonny places the present under the tree and beams proudly at it.

“What is it?” Rafael asks again.

“It’s a present, Rafi, I can’t tell you.”

Rafael rolls his eyes.

Sonny wraps an arm around Rafael’s shoulders and kisses his head.

“Can I just tell you how freakin’ happy I am?” Sonny asks.

“Yeah, go ahead.”

Sonny laughs. He kisses Rafael’s head again. “I love you so much. I’m so glad I’m here with you, and you’re with me.”

Sonny realizes Rafael didn’t get him a cinnamon roll, so he takes off towards the kitchen for one.

Rafael takes a second to sneak a peak at the present. There’s a small card on top, so he opens it up to read the tag.

“To Rafi,” it reads. “You have my heart.”

And god, does Rafael melt. His knees nearly go weak. He can’t believe his fortune; Sonny’s heart belongs to him. Sonny’s heart is his, only his, and will be forever. Rafael can’t believe it.

“Ah, come on, Rafi,” Sonny says, coming back. “No peaking.”

Rafael places it under the tree again. Sonny pulls him back to the couch and brings him in to cuddle.

Sonny is warm all over and so lovely. His arm around Rafael’s shoulder is heavy and grounding. Rafael looks up and kisses Sonny’s jaw.

Sonny smiles. “Ugh, Rafi,” he sighs.

“What?”

Sonny looks down at him. “I can’t believe how lucky I am. To have you. I love you so freakin’ much, baby.”

Rafael’s heart beats amazingly as he grows breathless. “I love you too, Sonny. I’ll love you forever.”

Sonny kisses his lips. “Forever,” he agrees.

Everything is perfect, here, in their living room, with the tree illuminating their smiling faces. Right where they should be.


End file.
